gotta love teachers.

"you know, and i know, that you could have done better."
"this was a little disappointing."
"your marks have dropped."
"definitely didn't expect you to get this, i have to say it came as a bit of a shock."

i don't know what's worse.
people telling me it's okay to not achieve what i could have, or people expecting me to achieve and being disappointed.

one more day and i can forget about it all.

wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away.

a beautiful lie

Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'Cause this is just a game

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'Cause this is just a game

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

Everyone's looking at me
I'm running around in circles, baby
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game

~ I want to lie there like that forever,

where it’s just me and him and the whole world. ~

enjoy the silence

"...all I ever wanted
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
words are very unnecessary

they can only do harm..."

the silence from outer space never seemed so loud.

a song is like a dream, and you try to make it come true.

why do you do it?

i want to fly away

but i can't.

for a moment i don't feel a thing.

I just want to curl up into a ball and forget the world. Forget all of this. 

all for believing.

pull back the shield between us, and i'll kiss you.
drop your defences and come into my arms.

l'amour

Il faut s'aimer, et puis il faut se le dire, et puis il faut se l'ecrire, et puis il faut baiser sur la bouche, sur les yeux et ailleurs.
- Victor Hugo

i wear a thousand masks, and none of them are me.

qu'est-ce que je peux faire...?

it's coming to that stage where all the guys i'd thought i'd gotten rid of...are coming back.
like WTF.

just quietly.

it's not that i don't like the attention, but seriously...
you're wasting your own time, and mine.

hence why i'll be failing my two exams today. woo.

on the way home.

i just saw a dead bird on the road.
and not like you'd expect. you'd expect to see a bird on the side, maybe, feathers in a bit of a mess, but still peaceful, like.

this bird was squished.

completely flattened. all its insides had been squashed out of it, too.
it was a dead bird...pancake.

and all i could think about was how this bird was alive one second, and then the next...boom.

gone forever.

crazy..

It's crazy, when feelings come and go and you can't decide what it is that you want. When you have so many things to say but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life so badly, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away.


It's not easy to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realise that things are different, and they probably won't ever be the same again. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it.

f... art.

the fact that i prioritise blogging over studying for my art exam...doesn't really surprise me.

don't get me wrong, i love art. the creative side of it. painting, drawing...yeah, that's basically it.

but when i have to spend hours writing down my opinions on other people's artworks, only to be criticised on what i say, it seriously makes me re-think why i do the subject at all.

i have plenty of time to draw and paint at home. actually, i do draw and paint more at home. a year's worth of artwork done at school probably won't even amount to a quarter of the amount of things i come up with in my own time.

so why do i bother with the subject at school?
i'm not really sure.

i'm good at it, i guess. well i would be better if i tried. the thing is, art is so subjective that not only my works are subjected to criticism, but what i write about other works too. if i make a perfectly justifiable statement, i can be told that i am wrong. how? i'm not entirely sure, but it happens.

hence why i really couldn't care less about it all.

and why i'll probably drop it next year.

don't even try to stop me!

too bored.

i've never really been good with time management.

in fact, i'm terrible at it.
in tests, i get distracted by the smallest things.

a smudge of ink i never knew was there.
a solitary blonde hair on the desk that i know isn't mine.
strange looking stains on the carpet.
weirdly shaped scratch marks...

to the overactive imagination, or just someone bored out of their wits, it sounds a lot like some unsolved crime.
and isn't it so much more fun playing detective than answering a question that may or may not decide the future of your schooling life?

i thought so too.

a sonnet.

you will never know what you mean to me;
although it's hard, i try to hide my heart.
it's a self-preservation thing, you see;
to tell the truth i never want to part.
to me you are my stars, my moon, my sun;
your smile lights up the darkest of my days.
i search to find your flaws but there are none;
i feel like falling down beneath your gaze.
what i can't have is the thing i yearn for;
that we are friends stops me from having you.
but you're the only one that i adore;
it hurts to think i'll never tell you true.
      i'm going to try to act like i don't care,
      so i don't ruin what's already there.

procrastinator with 4 days to go.

so putting off exam study for as long as possible isn't the smartest decision i've made in my life.
watching old episodes of gossip girl at midnight isn't either.
same goes for writing pointless blog posts about not studying when i should really just disconnect all electronic devices, sit at my desk which is currently covered with random crap, and ponder through textbooks.

the problem is, i'm one of the biggest procrastinators in the entire universe.
my room, you see, is nearly always messy, unless i want to go somewhere, which is quite often so really my room isn't quite as messy as i suppose it is. but i've been locked down at home the last couple weeks in the hope that i'll get some study done...hasn't happened yet. this however, means my room is in a bit of a state.

what better time to start cleaning than when i should be taking down notes on the commonwealth electoral systems, or working my way through lots and lots and lots of maths problems?

while i'm at it, i may as well go through my clothes and re-arrange them in colour, style and ideal time of year for wear. and why don't i just do some more sketches, or find something new to play on the guitar, or come across some old magazines to flip through. why don't i go downstairs and make myself something nice to eat or drink? and why not go online to search for the ideal ball dress? or listen to my favourite songs on repeat and then go to youtube to find more songs to download? why not go write a dreary blog post about what i'm meant to be doing, and how pathetic the schooling system is with these exams they're making us take. why not?

i'll tell you why not. because if i do that then i'm going to fucking FAIL. that's why.

...

four more days and i die.

new.

something new.
a feeling.
and its not for you.
i like people i can read like a book,
you, on the other hand, are complicated;
because i know i will never fully know you,
with all those people who will always be there
stirring things up
confusing things.
making me jump to ridiculous conclusions.

which is why i'm glad i've moved on.
not to something bigger. or better.
but something, nonetheless.

a real chance to start over.

i never thought it would actually come to this.
but i miss you.
i really do.

one more.

one more kiss would suffice.
just so i can be sure
that all of those feelings that i was feeling
really were over nothing.
one. just one.

that's all i ask.

the beating of wings.

it's true: in life,
people come and go,
flutter in and out, like butterflies. or moths.
most of the time, they are inconsequential.
unnecessary. insignificant.
but at other times, they create permanent places in your heart,
and no matter what happens today, tomorrow, or the next day,
that space will always be there for them to fill it.
even if it seems they don't want it to be.

stupid people.

i've noticed that lately, this particular space on the web has been lacking somewhat of humourous content. if you call humourous picking on people...but it is all for entertainment purposes only! and luckily this time, the subjects to be discussed are most likely too dumb to even realise they should be offended. no offence.

in my very honest opinion, there is a certain group of people living amongst us in society that should really just not say anything at all, and thus give the impression that they're stupid - rather than open their mouths and remove all doubt.

i pride myself in not being one of the aforementioned. i hope. and i also pride myself in knowing things. about everything, and everyone. but as much as i like to know things, from other's social agendas to facts about major historical events, i make it a point not to divulge all of this to absolutely anyone within hearing range.

because quite frankly, a lot of the time people don't care. especially if what you're saying is not even your own words, just something you heard someone say about some one else who did something to or with someone that is friends with someone whose mum knows someone somewhere. and as for those of you who constantly repeat the views of your parents to the world, and act like it's actually your own opinion...how stupid can you get? everyone knows you don't possess the intelligence to make such statements, no matter how ignorant the assertions were in the first place, so why do you even bother?

it's a rather sobering fact, really. that there are people out there who are so dumb, they don't even realise they are. the question is, what can be done? the answer: go get a brain transplant or something, or just shut the hell up.

there's that saying, 'if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.' but i think it is time for that to be rephrased. if you don't have anything to say that will show that you possess an IQ higher than that of a dying chicken, then please, refrain from making any noise but gasping in awe at the words of your brilliantly clever superiors.

thankyou and goodnight.

these are the butterflies that must be murdered.

Nothing goes as planned.
Everything will break.
People say goodbye,
In their own special way.
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day.

Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth.
Oh you run away
'Cause I am not what you found.
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.

Everything will change.
Nothing stays the same.
And nobody here's perfect.
Oh but everyone's to blame.
All that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
And find you in the day

Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
No I cannot get you out.
No I cannot get you.

Everything is dark.
It's more than you can take.
But you catch a glimpse of sun light.
Shinin', Shinin' down on your face.

Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth.
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins 
And I cannot get you out.
No, I cannot get you out.
No, I cannot get you out.
Oh no, I cannot get you. 

admit it for once.

you're wrong. you're wrong. YOU'RE WRONG.
why are you always so stubbornly blind to the truth?

peace.

my throat is hoarse from arguing. my ears are practically ringing with those pathetic words that continue to spout from your mouth, over and over and over again. don't you get it? nobody cares anymore. deal with it.

live with us, or leave us.

you can't expect to be treated how you want to be treated if you don't do the same to us. it's a two way street, and you've obviously put up a few blockades on one side of yours.

doing.

thinking. feeling. longing. loving. lusting. losing. hating. forgiving. forgetting. hoping. wanting. needing. waiting. wishing. crying. kissing. laughing. smiling. breaking. fixing. knowing. helping. talking. singing.
holding.

being.

having.

time. emotion. anxiety. loss. fear. guilt. lust. love. loneliness. curiosity. joy. anger. sorrow. overwhelming. jealousy. attraction. sin. forgiveness. forgetfulness. freedom. quiet. peace. hope. want. need. honesty. faith. trust.

the end of love

No love story is a comedy. They are all tragedies.
The ending in itself, of a story, is the end of love. There is nothing comedic about it. The end always comes, no matter what.
To prevent it, all one can do is never say goodbye.