there are the moments when you realise you are truly, completely alone. and you always will be. that you can't be the same as everyone else, that you don't want to be.
there are the moments when you want everything to be so fucked up that nothing matters anymore. moments when you shut everyone out because you're scared of caring. scared of trusting. then there's all the lies. so many lies. and you realise you can't trust anyone else because you don't trust yourself in the first place.
moments when you tell people they mean more to you than they do. moments when you act like someone means hardly anything to you when in reality you think about them all the time, and you just hope in vain that they think about you half as much.
moments when you laugh so much you've never felt happier. moments when you don't know what it is you're feeling, but it's just fucking terrible and you feel like you'll never get out of it.
moments when you want to destroy things. tear them apart. set them alight. memories. clothes. friendships.
when you want to end it all. now. forever. then you see how beautiful everything and everyone is, and that in a void of nothingness, none of these things exist. nothing exists. only dark. cold. the absence of light and heat.
moments when you want to stop trying. stop talking. stop eating. stop feeling.
and watch the world crumble to pieces around you.
