today is a down day.

born on a train.

it's common knowledge that i have trouble committing to things. anything. anyone. i quit when i'm bored, when i don't like something anymore. and that happens a lot. i get bored easily. all the time. of things, places, people. routine. i can't handle it.

so why am i not tired of you?

Psychological Conditions.

They are a serious problem. I don't believe that the majority of people realise just how serious. I myself suffer from separation anxiety whenever my access to my only reason for living is cut off. And regardless of the fact that here I am referring to the Internet, it's still just as serious as my dog whining after my father whenever he is no longer within a three metre radius.

The fact that I can't remember what my best friend looks like isn't really that concerning, is it? I mean one day some random will run up to me exclaiming a variety of excited mumbo-jumbo and I'll run away, until someone tells me, 'That was your best friend,' and I'll be like...'What the fuck? I thought she was Mexican.'

Because I think it would be cool to have a Mexican best friend.

Funny how the world works, isn't it? Instead I've been landed with someone who's obviously jumped out of some vampire anime. It's bloody ridiculous. People aren't allowed to have eyes that big and blue or eyelashes that long. It's cruel to all us mere mortals. And stop making me laugh whilst I'm meant to be trimming my fingernails, I could lose concentration then it could all go horribly wrong and bam, you've got a best friend with no fingers. How funnyyy would that look rofl.

Oh and, you're going to be waiting a long time. At least until a while after I finish the only thing I got for easter this year, a Lindt dark chocolate bunny. I mean, I saved an easter bunny for over a year once. Seriously. Got to the next easter and I was like...hahaha I get an extra one...

Then again, that was when I was a hoarder. See, I used to find things and have a problem letting them go.
These days I'm more like, that odd-shaped piece of wood had its chance years ago, it could have been useful, but it wasn't. Time to say bye bye, into the bin with you.

Of course I find a use for half of the discarded items after I've thrown them out, but that's another story.

I only have one further thing to say.

Use the correct 'your' next time.

i wish we were.

i don't even know.

this is who you are.

be hungry, beware.

content with loneliness.

maybe i know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face

and i've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance

because none of it was ever worth the risk.

they don't love each other anymore.

and i don't know what to do.

one month

seventeen.

whose eyes will you look in when love is in your heart?

dust.

there are the moments when you realise you are truly, completely alone. and you always will be. that you can't be the same as everyone else, that you don't want to be.

there are the moments when you want everything to be so fucked up that nothing matters anymore. moments when you shut everyone out because you're scared of caring. scared of trusting. then there's all the lies. so many lies. and you realise you can't trust anyone else because you don't trust yourself in the first place.

moments when you tell people they mean more to you than they do. moments when you act like someone means hardly anything to you when in reality you think about them all the time, and you just hope in vain that they think about you half as much.

moments when you laugh so much you've never felt happier. moments when you don't know what it is you're feeling, but it's just fucking terrible and you feel like you'll never get out of it.

moments when you want to destroy things. tear them apart. set them alight. memories. clothes. friendships.
when you want to end it all. now. forever. then you see how beautiful everything and everyone is, and that in a void of nothingness, none of these things exist. nothing exists. only dark. cold. the absence of light and heat.

moments when you want to stop trying. stop talking. stop eating. stop feeling.

and watch the world crumble to pieces around you.

words can be like knives.

they can cut you open.

all this time.

why you? why now? what the hell?

to be perfectly honest, i don't think i've ever felt this way about anyone. ever.

and it fucking scares me.

She has got so much love in her heart… that the thought of letting it out, showing her cards… it scares her to death.

God I’ve seen your dreams and they were filled with darkness
And your eyes turned white in the bright lights
I know there’s torment in your heart
And it’s swimming ‘round your body like a shark

Can you not see me anymore?
Or are you just not here beneath the floor?
'Cause I can’t feel empty anymore

Just hide your heart anywhere, please hide your heart anywhere from me
‘Cause I’m just not ready for, no I’m just not ready for, all this

I just throw a stone into the wishing well
Walk down to the water’s edge and push me into the swell
As I walk down the stairs to face another day
I don’t think I drank enough to make your face go away

'Cause I have been waiting here from the start
Hoping the sunlight would rise through the dark
'Cause my heart is yearning for you dear

Just hide your heart anywhere, please hide your heart anywhere, from me
'Cause I’m just not ready for, no I’m just not ready for, all this

Well the nights are so cold and I’m breathing you in
But there’s blood on the streets and it’s darker than sin
I don’t know where I am going
I don’t wanna know anyway
I just need you here

'Cause you are my sundown
You are my sundown
You are my sundown

You are mine.

take a chance.

Nothing to lose
If we are wise
We're not expecting rainbow-coloured skies
Not right away

Nothing to lose
It might be fun
No talk of spending lifetimes in the sun
Although we may

Both you and I have seen what time can do
We'll only hurt ourselves if we build dreams that don't come true

What can we lose
We know the score
Let's wait before we talk of evermore
One day we may

Nothing to lose
But much to gain if love decides to stay

Nothing to lose

love replaces fear

Hey, the streetlights all burn out.
Une année sans lumières.
Je monte un cheval,
Qui porte des œillères.

Hey, my eyes are shooting sparks.
La nuit, mes yeux t'éclairent.
Ne dis pas à ton père
Qu'il porte des œillères.


Hey, your old man should know
If you see a shadow,
There's something there.

So hey, my eyes are shooting sparks.
La nuit mes yeux t'éclairent.
Ne dis pas à ton père
Qu'il porte des œillères.

Hey, your old man should know
If you see a shadow,
There's something there.

i wish you lived on my street.

hi.

lalalalalalalalaa

where are you where are you where are you?

why are you playing with my head like this?

and so i'll run

but not too far.

watch the sun rise, say your goodbyes, off you go.

i'm living just to breathe

so give me something to believe.

everybody's got to learn sometime.

wake up in the morning
stumble on my life
can't get no love
without sacrifice

if anything should happen
i guess i wish you well
a little bit of heaven
a little bit of hell

no escape.

and you can see my heart beating

you can see it through my chest

that i'm terrified but i'm not leaving

i know that i must pass this test

and the silence surrounds you and holds you

the spaces in between
two minds and all the places they have been

the end.

Try as he might he's unable to speak

He grabs her by the hair, he strokes her on the cheek

The bed is unmade like everything is

Dark little heaven at the top of the stairs

Take me like that, ruin it all

Then build it again by the light in the hall

He drops to his knees says please my love, please

I'll kill who you hate, take off that dress, you won't freeze

One more night, that was a good one

One more night, I dreamed it was a good one

One more, one more night, that was a good one

One more night, the end should be a good one

A good one

He starts with her back cause that's what he sees

When she's breaking his heart she still fucks like a tease

Release to the sky, look him straight in the eye

And tell him that now, that you wish he would die

You'll never touch him again so get what you can

Leaving him empty just because he's a man

So good when it ends, they'll never be friends

One more night, that's all they can spend

One more night, that was a good one

One more night, i dreamed it was a good one

One more, one more night, that was a good one

One more night, the end should be a good one

A good one

all of the things i thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day

if i am lost for a day 
try to find me,
but if i don't come back 
then i won't look behind me.

when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

out across the endless sea, i will die in ecstasy.

sun in the sky, you know how i feel.

change your heart

look around you.

And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

the beatles.

The long and winding road that leads to your door,
Will never disappear, I've seen that road before
It always leads me here, leads me to your door.
The wild and windy night that the rain washed away,
Has left a pool of tears crying for the day.
Why leave me standing here? Let me know the way.
Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried,
Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried, but
Still they lead me back to the long and winding road,
You left me standing here a long, long time ago.
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to your door.

what day is it?

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

i'll show you the rest of my sins.

inescapable.

What was born in the fog of that day,
nobody saw, nobody heard.
But in that moment,
the moment of the first spell of light,
it grew.
The mere existence of it
defied everything he'd ever believed in.
And she who believed in nothing
could no longer.
And the feeling, it grew
and grew
and grew
and grew until
it became so strong
that they had to give it a name.
And they called it love.

the people who make us happy are never the people you expect.

so when you find someone, you've got to cherish it.

as i grow, i grow collective.

tick. tick.
gasping, but somehow still alive,
there's really no way to reach me;
and this is the final stand of all i am.

i wish that i could feel so good,
i wish that i could be as good as you.

boom.

what makes you so different?

i want you to know me. for me.
everything. every last little thing.
and i don't even know why.

star-crossed.

The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story.

It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender;

because this kiss already has within it that surrender.

~ Emil Ludwig.

tell me you will and i'm yours.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a
Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.
~Hafiz

so just because i'm not madly in love with you like everyone else, i'm not worth your time? is that it?

arrogant prick.

and anyway, why would i want that?

i wrote this sky.

you are not the first,

and that which comes after that, is not you.

oh, the things i have seen.

the things i have done.

the things i have dreamed,

the things i've begun.

and nobody knows,

but a fallen tree that witnessed me,

him alone,
him and me.

for we could embrace the sweet desires in the moments as they passed.

but we swore they couldn't last. we knew they wouldn't last.

and yet his heart was full of fire

at the man that he'd become.

and we laughed, but we did not love.

all of this can be broken,

all of this can be broken.

and i have no reason to reason with you.

if i lost who i am i would not be able to live. how do you do it?

it's funny how people who used to take up so much meaning in your life can suddenly mean nothing at all. remember me? we used to be close. tell each other things. things that mattered. some things that didn't mean anything at all. but what counted was that we were friends. there for each other. and now, i couldn't care less. when we talk there's nothing to say. and that only happens when one of us is bored.

and you've changed. for the worse. you've lost who you used to be. in a way i'm glad i never really let you know everything about me, the truths i'll never face. and yet without knowing every detail about you i know exactly what makes you tick. exactly the reasons for doing the things you do. how high are you going to crawl before you come crashing back down again? i wonder. you're trying to create a new persona, to be the person you think the world wants you to be. but you're wrong. so, so wrong. and you're ruining yourself.

as for me? i'll always be the same.
the same secretive, dreamy, sad little girl that wants to fly away to the stars.
always.

and she turns up the music, to drown out her life.

just get out. get out. get out. get the fuck out.
it's my life, i'll fucking deal with it, okay?
so i'll make mistakes.
so i'll do things i'll regret.
so i'll waste my time doing something insignificant.
so i'll try to swallow more than i can handle and choke.
so i'll give up and want to disappear.
so i'll fuck everything up.
but that's my choice to make.
not yours.
can't you see that look in my eyes?
the look that says, don't come any closer.
don't talk to me.
don't touch me.
don't breathe a word.
don't even.

insidious.

real.

don't hold onto something hopelessly just because you want to, the time comes when you have to let go.

Aingeru Zorita

christian kettiger

honey lazar

james nachtwey.

New York, 2001 - Ground Zero

Rwanda, 1994 - Survivor of the Hutu death camp.

Sudan, 1993 - Famine victim at a feeding center

you take my breath away.

you're a supernova.

swans.

By my side,
you’ll never be.
By my side,
you’ll. never. be.

'Cause I’m fake at the seams,
I’m lost in my dreams, and
And I want you to know,
that I can’t let you go.

And you’re never coming home again,
And you’re never coming home again.

By my side,
you’ll never be.
By my side,
you’ll never be.


By my side,
you’ll never be.
By my side,
you’ll.
never.
be.


I wanted to tell you I changed.
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.

I see you, you see me,
Differently.
I see you, you see me,
Differently.

You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.


You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.

don't you understand?

the more you tell me to do something, the higher the probability that i won't do it.

just fuck off already.