because i want you to know who i am. you're the first person i've come across in my life that i've felt i can tell anything to. the first person i've come across in my life that i've ever actually been jealous of. truly. and i don't just mean in the light of recent events. your family, your confidence, god i don't know what else.
i guess you're like a sister to me in a way, and sometimes i feel like i have to be in competition with you or something, which is just fucking stupid.
i've done a lot of things that i regret. there are things that i can't, that i never will, tell anyone. but i know that if i ever found the courage to say it, it would be to you.
and sometimes i feel like you do so many rash things and yes, sometimes it makes me mad, because i feel like you just do them without a care in the world. i used to think that's what makes us different.
but we really are so much more similar than that. we're just kids. we make mistakes. all the time. we don't know what we're doing. we can't be expected to know, that's why we have the rest of our lives to live. to make more mistakes, learn from them, and try not to make the same ones twice.
i know you know me more than so many others ever will. and you're right, sometimes i try to act like i don't care when i really do. but it's the only way i can cope, otherwise i'd be a wreck. i don't get why but i just get so easily affected by things that shouldn't even affect me at all.
so don't think it's all because of you. don't you ever. i love you, you're my best friend, and i want to be there for you for as long as time takes us.
there's just some other shit in my life right now that i'm having a hard time dealing with, and lately i've just felt so alone because i know you've been distant with me for that other reason, and i just haven't been able to deal with anything. i can't open up to anyone else. not even my own family.
we need each other. and i fucking love you, that's why i'm crying right now.
my life without you in it wouldn't be a life at all.
