today is a down day.

born on a train.

it's common knowledge that i have trouble committing to things. anything. anyone. i quit when i'm bored, when i don't like something anymore. and that happens a lot. i get bored easily. all the time. of things, places, people. routine. i can't handle it.

so why am i not tired of you?

Psychological Conditions.

They are a serious problem. I don't believe that the majority of people realise just how serious. I myself suffer from separation anxiety whenever my access to my only reason for living is cut off. And regardless of the fact that here I am referring to the Internet, it's still just as serious as my dog whining after my father whenever he is no longer within a three metre radius.

The fact that I can't remember what my best friend looks like isn't really that concerning, is it? I mean one day some random will run up to me exclaiming a variety of excited mumbo-jumbo and I'll run away, until someone tells me, 'That was your best friend,' and I'll be like...'What the fuck? I thought she was Mexican.'

Because I think it would be cool to have a Mexican best friend.

Funny how the world works, isn't it? Instead I've been landed with someone who's obviously jumped out of some vampire anime. It's bloody ridiculous. People aren't allowed to have eyes that big and blue or eyelashes that long. It's cruel to all us mere mortals. And stop making me laugh whilst I'm meant to be trimming my fingernails, I could lose concentration then it could all go horribly wrong and bam, you've got a best friend with no fingers. How funnyyy would that look rofl.

Oh and, you're going to be waiting a long time. At least until a while after I finish the only thing I got for easter this year, a Lindt dark chocolate bunny. I mean, I saved an easter bunny for over a year once. Seriously. Got to the next easter and I was like...hahaha I get an extra one...

Then again, that was when I was a hoarder. See, I used to find things and have a problem letting them go.
These days I'm more like, that odd-shaped piece of wood had its chance years ago, it could have been useful, but it wasn't. Time to say bye bye, into the bin with you.

Of course I find a use for half of the discarded items after I've thrown them out, but that's another story.

I only have one further thing to say.

Use the correct 'your' next time.

i wish we were.

i don't even know.

this is who you are.

be hungry, beware.

content with loneliness.

maybe i know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face

and i've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance

because none of it was ever worth the risk.

they don't love each other anymore.

and i don't know what to do.

one month

seventeen.

whose eyes will you look in when love is in your heart?

dust.

there are the moments when you realise you are truly, completely alone. and you always will be. that you can't be the same as everyone else, that you don't want to be.

there are the moments when you want everything to be so fucked up that nothing matters anymore. moments when you shut everyone out because you're scared of caring. scared of trusting. then there's all the lies. so many lies. and you realise you can't trust anyone else because you don't trust yourself in the first place.

moments when you tell people they mean more to you than they do. moments when you act like someone means hardly anything to you when in reality you think about them all the time, and you just hope in vain that they think about you half as much.

moments when you laugh so much you've never felt happier. moments when you don't know what it is you're feeling, but it's just fucking terrible and you feel like you'll never get out of it.

moments when you want to destroy things. tear them apart. set them alight. memories. clothes. friendships.
when you want to end it all. now. forever. then you see how beautiful everything and everyone is, and that in a void of nothingness, none of these things exist. nothing exists. only dark. cold. the absence of light and heat.

moments when you want to stop trying. stop talking. stop eating. stop feeling.

and watch the world crumble to pieces around you.

words can be like knives.

they can cut you open.