we all look like how we feel.

we created a monster, but nobody wants to kill it.

twatastic

I guess everyone gets to this point at some stage. Some people realise it early on, but try hard to hide it, and for others it can take an entire lifetime, and it is only until you realise how alone you really are that you see what was staring you in the face the whole time.

Basically, everyone has the potential to be a douchebag. Dickhead. Twat. Whatever unsavoury term you want to call it. And I know people always make analogies about potential saying everyone is a bottle full of it that just needs to be opened, and I honestly don't know how the whole thing works, but I think it's just that everyone is born with a bit of "twat" in them.

For some people, it comes naturally. Others often need a bit of encouragement from their peers, and bang! They transform into something you would never wish your hypothetical child to be let out on the street with.

I was going to make this into a full-on rant but I got distracted for an hour or so and forgot what I was going to say....

But anyway. Just don't let yourself get used. Because no matter what, there are some things you just can't take back. Some moments that you won't be able to get out of your head no matter how hard you try to obliterate them.

and i am done with my graceless heart, so tonight i'm going to cut it out and then restart.

And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good.

maybe she tries hard to fix other people's messy lives.

what about her? her own messy life? who'll fix that?

i'm still trying to find my feet, and work out which promises to keep

knowing you should say hello but not being able to find the words to say it

:)

when she was just a girl, she expected the world

the sun must set to rise.

This post is dedicated to my best friend. I would say you were my rock, but to tell the truth, you're more like my helium balloon. Yes, I know this was meant to be a birthday post, but let's face it, that was months ago and in light of yesterday’s celebrations I couldn't help but reflect on a multitude of things. But anyway, Happy Birthday! However belated it is - it's the thought that counts, right? And to make up for being such a terrible person I'm going to try to make you cry instead. (Irony?) Here's hoping it works.

Words can't really express how much you mean to me, but here I am, using words to do just that.

Basically, I can’t imagine my life without you. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true, and I realised it all yesterday when the balloons went up and everyone was hugging and crying as if it were the end of the world. Nobody was crying because they were happy to leave, or because they never wanted to leave. We were all upset because it had taken until now to realise that the wonderful people we had grown up with weren’t always going to be right there, forever there to talk to, to care for and depend on. We realised that at some point, we would have to let them go. And that’s something that nobody wants to accept at any point in their life.

I feel like I’ve known you for such a long time that I can’t remember the point in my life when I didn’t know you existed at all. If I had never changed schools, all I can think of is how empty I’d be. Not knowing what I was missing out on.

Because honestly, I’ve grown up so much since I first came to the school, and I know that a lot of it is due to you. I mean, I’ve made an attempt this year to get on better with, and try to understand my mother for the reason that I’ve seen how well you get on with yours. You’ve let me see the world in a different way, you really have. And a lot of the time I’m still a stuck up prick – and I hate to admit that - but I’m learning.

The way you still put up with me despite how irritating and unnecessarily argumentative or hypocritical I get, how do you do it? If I met me I’d probably have to fight the urge to slap myself in the face every minute or two, no joke.

You are so generous and selfless that it astounds me. The same goes for your daredevil, risk taking nature. It’s as if you’ve seen how life is too short to have regrets, whilst I stand here too scared to do anything because I’ve got so many already.

Like I said, you're my helium balloon, and in the last three years you've lifted me so high into the sky that I can't ever let you go; because if I do, I'll fall.

Essentially, I never want to say goodbye. Because goodbye means the end.

So until I see you again, I’m leaving you this message:

a nagging sense of emptiness.

it's part of me, apart from me.

maybe i have said something that was wrong.

my head is a jungle.