"And I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me..."

Strangers by the River

We remained there for over an hour
on that bench. We waited,
until the light faded away
and we knew that the day was ending.

He didn't speak, and
I could think of nothing more to say.
So we sat in silence; and for a time,
I could still feel the warmth
emanating from the spot
where his hand had rested
next to mine,
before he pulled away.

I didn't want to look at him,
or see the unquestionable hurt in his eyes.
I knew that it was my fault,
that all the yearning, curiosity and excitement in them
had disappeared.

But I did glance over,
just once,
when the sun was flickering
behind the trees
across the water.

He was staring out in front, still as anything;
and for the first time since we'd met
I couldn't even guess what was
running through his mind.

His eyes were guarded and distant,
and I realised then that
it was too late;
we'd never be close again.


It was a quiet place;
far enough from the chaos
of everyone's to-ing and fro-ing
for us not to hear it.
And it was getting to that time of day
when even the stragglers agreed
it was a good idea to go home.

So we had that space to ourselves.
And it should have been peaceful;
but when the sun finally sank below the horizon,
I couldn't help but feel it took a part of us with it.
I'm sure that if anyone passed us at all
they'd have thought we were simply
strangers by the river,
sharing the twilight.

And in a way, we were.

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

He had been waiting long enough;
                     and he wanted it all to cease,
    to stop,
                            to end.

It wasn't that it made him mad;

it didn't frustrate him,
            or send a rage boiling up inside.

It was merely tiring,
       and the weariness
               tore away at his heart,
      and made him feel weak,

helpless,

a    dandelion      in            the                  wind.

She had to make her mind up, he decided.

Because there was only so much more he could take
before he crumbled,
                      and all the fire that was once there
                                                 burned away into the past.

He had been waiting long enough.

It's only when you are aware that you're breathing that you are aware that you are truly alive.

I never thought it would be so fleeting.

But I realised then that the dynamics had changed; and all that had happened was the passing of time itself.

films to see.

do not think that you are something.

I'd always had this yearning to be someone extraordinary. And secretly, I'd hoped that I already was; that I had something special to offer that no one else had. So accepting that I was in fact ordinary, perhaps even less than that, was one of the hardest things I've done.

caught up in a story.

“And that taught me you can't have anything, you can't have anything at all. Because desire just cheats you. It's like a sunbeam skipping here and there about a room. It stops and gilds some inconsequential object, and we poor fools try to grasp it - but when we do the sunbeam moves on to something else, and you've got the inconsequential part, but the glitter that made you want it is gone.”  - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

capture me, trust me in your dream.

"A sentimental person thinks things will last; a romantic person hopes against hope that they won't." - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

action is character.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” - W. H. Murray

 

no other way

She was bitten by the wind again.
And she didn't know
whether to run and hide,
or to stay
and accept the hidden truths
she didn't want to believe.

It was all ending;
the people, places that
she had once known,
had once loved,
reduced to fragments
of sunken memories.

So how could she endure,
after that?
How could she start afresh,
when she felt as old and broken
as the home she grew up in?

To go on, she had to
find a reason for being,
existing, thriving;
someone better and
braver than herself
- someone to be excited by,
enraged at, enthralled by -
someone to be desired,
and kept safe.

There was no other way.

Mauer.

and i can't promise you that i won't let you down.

"Don't be pathetic, it's easy. Just tell me something true. Tell me. Tell me now."