a year ago

you were one of my best friends, and i let you go. why did i do that?

burn all the bridges

i won't ever be a part of this.

the moon is the only friend i have outside

you're wrong, i don't belong to you.

que sera, sera

carry the news

we've seen the nightmare of your lies

it's times like these when i realise i really couldn't care less.

i am so bored. and it's not because i've just been sitting around doing nothing. because i've been going out as much as i can just to distract myself from it. but i'm bored everywhere. people are boring. places are boring.
this place gives me the shits and i just want to get out of it.

sometimes the idea of death sounds morbidly more fascinating, because nobody knows what lies beyond it.

i hate knowing everything. where's the excitement in that?

i can't hold relationships because they're boring. knowing who you're meant to be thinking about, spending your day with, what's going to happen, all that.

i want to be stupid and naive and reckless, and i want to never regret anything ever. i want to make so many mistakes so that nobody knows what to do with me anymore. i want to be completely and utterly helpless.

words cannot express the extent of the shit that i do not give.

beach bum.

i live for the beach.
i'm not kidding.
if i didn't have a beach to go to, i think i would die.
or something.

so this is how it goes.

Suddenly I can't stay in this room.

You'll never sway, and I have nothing left that I can think of to say.

What do you want me to think of my thought?
Bear it in mind, if I cannot believe in me who will I then be?

The Adventures of Dickhead Bob

Part 1 - Introducing Dickhead Bob

Dickhead Bob was a frog. He lived in a small pond in which one would say he was a ‘big fish.’ It hadn’t always been that way. What I mean to say, is that he hadn’t always been referred to as a dickhead. It was just something someone had called him once, and it had stuck, for it suited him well. You see, he was rather self-centred a frog. He had always just looked out for himself, often disregarding (sometimes unknowingly) the thoughts of others. It wasn’t anyone’s fault; he had always been that way.

Truth be told, he wasn’t a very attractive looking frog. In fact, there were several male frogs in the same pond and nearby ponds that were far nicer to look at. There was just something about him, a charm or charisma of some kind, which seemed to attract a lot of the female frogs like insects to light. Some of the other male frogs were probably jealous of Dickhead Bob, but they really shouldn’t have been, because they were decent frogs and not dickheads at all.

Bob had two sides - one, where he was a dickhead masquerading as someone decent, and the other where he was his usual dickhead self. Some were privileged enough to see both sides, and then judged for themselves to see which was the real one. Others only saw the dickhead side and decided they wanted nothing to do with him, or, they saw only the ‘decent’ side, and thought the sun shone out of his rear end.

Everyone would have been better off just seeing the dickhead side of Dickhead Bob straightaway, and thus saving the hassle of all the confusion about his somewhat messed up identity.


But alas, it was not to be. And so commences the story of Dickhead Bob, and how he ended up.

dancing in the moonlight

people always say how you should be yourself. like yourself is this definite thing. like a toaster or something. like you can know what it is even.

but every so often i'll have a moment. where just being myself, in my life, right where i am, is enough.

resolutions.

i will clean my room
i will keep my room clean for as long as possible.
i will put an effort into my school work
i will focus on my school work
i will listen in class
i will focus a lot on my school work
i will not draw any pictures during a lesson or do anything unrelated to the class i am in at the time
i will focus on my school work so much that it hurts
i may have to sit by myself in french so as not to piss off the teacher
in fact, i may have to sit by myself in all classes so they can see i am making an effort
i will limit social activities to once or twice a weekend...
i will not do anything stupid
i will not do anything that i will regret
i will not say anything that i will regret
i will not put someone else as a priority when i am not one of theirs
i will not say anything i do not mean
unless i am being sarcastic
i will not make someone think that they mean more to me than they do
i will not act impulsively
i will not screw up anyone's life, especially my own
i will not sabotage my future with petty things
i will try harder to find a job
thus, i will get money
and i will save that money
and i will not spend it recklessly
i will not be too much of a bitch
i will be a nicer person
i will not judge books by their covers
or people by their faces, clothes, shoes, jewellery, tattoos, piercings, etc...
however, i will continue to judge people by their personal hygiene
i will not listen to shit music
i will not waste texts on people who don't matter
i will not make anyone cry
unless they really deserve it
i will speak my mind
but not to those marking my exams
and i will not gossip
too much
i will stop every so often and look at what i'm doing and think, is this really necessary?

i could say

I could say that I'll always be here for you,
But that would be a lie and quite a pointless thing to do.

Since you've gone I've lost a chip on my shoulder,
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older,
And now you've gone it feels as if the whole wide world is my stage
And now you've gone it's like I've been let out of my cage.