love actually.

Daniel: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum, or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all? 
Sam: You really want to know? 
Daniel: I really want to know. 
Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help? 
Daniel: Even if that's the case, yeah. 
Sam: Okay. Well, the truth is... actually... I'm in love. 
Daniel: Sorry? 
Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is, I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it. 
Daniel: [laughs] Aren't you a bit young to be in love? 
Sam: No. 
Daniel: Oh, well, okay... right. Well, I mean, I'm a little relieved. 
Sam: Why? 
Daniel: Well, because I thought it would be something worse. 
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love? 
Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony. 

red.

it's my favourite colour. why? i don't know. i used to love the colour purple, but i was always told red suited me best. and so i decided to like red. that's it.


red is cupid, and the devil. it stands for love, lust, passion, anger, sin, and beauty too.


it means courage, and it catches attention.


strawberries are red.
roses are red.
when its cold my ears go red.
my maths book is red.
coke is red.
ladybirds are red.
blood is red.


all i know is, if this colour didn't exist, the world would be a very ugly place. just saying.

hilarious.

this isn't mine, but i just found this somewhere and had to share it with you:


it was school day, and i was getting ready to get on the bus, so naturally i was like   . so i was doin’ my thang, and eating a banana as i got on. then i saw the driver and he was all like    so i was like   and he was like    so i was like .  i wasn’t allowed to eat the banana.


~~~~~~~~~ 1 hour later ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


i finally got to school and was like    and i walked into my classroom and the teacher was like    so i was like    and then i went to my first class. it was music class. the teacher was like    and i was like   then that class was over and i went to english. i was like   but the teacher still gave a lot of homework. the girl next to me was like    but the teacher was like   then i went to spanish and the teacher was like    and i got in trouble for some reason so i had to go the principal’s office so i was like    when i got to the office, the principal and nurse were like    and i was like   but then they stopped and the principal was like   so i was like    and she was like OKAY,    then the day went by and the school was out. all the kids were like   and like    but i just got on the bus and the driver was still like 
the end.

a bit of a change

Why hello there. *raises eyebrows seedily* So..to lighten the mood of this "emo blog" as some friend of mine likes to call it, I think I'll have to make this blog post uh...happy? How to do this? I wonder. And you may wonder too because if you've read the last fifteen or so posts, you might have thought I really need to get out into the sunshine and...dance around. Please note the dots. If you actually expect me to get out and dance around in the sun, then leave. I'd much rather sit in my corner and cry, thank you very much. Woah just joking, I'm not emo. Am I? *strangled laughter*

I'm a bit stuck with making this post entertaining, however.
For one thing, my entire page is black. I'm not changing it back to white, don't even think to suggest such a thing! *gasps in shock*
And not to mention the only entertaining, but not depressing, things I've put up here are probably bitching about the world and the people in it.

So how exactly do I get your attention? And by attention I don't mean 'Wow that girl needs help, can someone please book her into Graylands?' - which is a mental institution, just in case you were wondering or forgot you spent a year there.

Well, I saw a car crash today? But it's rather difficult to describe a car crash, so I think I'll just leave that to one sentence...*confused*

What to write, what to write? *thinks hard*

You might be happy to know I didn't write any depressing or hopeless poems during school today. Snaps for me.

If you've even got this far into my ramblings and aren't freaked out, then you're probably one of my friends who already knows how odd I am. I mean that's why we're friends, right? *awkward silence*

Speaking of awkwardness, today whilst avoiding playing soccer (*coughs* I'm sick.) a friend and I came up with some pretty dardy (did I just say dardy? err...kill me now!) awkward things. You know, there's the awkward turtle, palm tree, etc.

Well I've come up with the awkward axe. And the awkward knife. And the awkward chainsaw. Next plan is to find out how to do the awkward suicidal rope.

And the awkward overdose.

'You're kidding, right?' is what's running through your head right now, along with other commonly used phrases such as 'What a freak,' and 'Okayyy......*frightened*'

But who knows, maybe I do need help. Though suggesting it to me might not be the best thing to do, you know, I might come along and use the awkward axe on you. With a real axe.

i caught you staring at me;

so i stared right back.

sentimental.

i want to do more than this
but i'm too afraid to make a move
i thought i was happy
with the way we were
but i know now that i'm not.

when i see you i'm confused;
why do i hurt, and thrill at the same time?

what can i do to help you see?
you mean more to me than could ever be.

what am i to you?

when you kissed me,
i didn't pull away because i didn't want it.
i pulled away because i wanted more,
but i wanted to be sure it was real.

and of course, i didn't realise that
it was you that i wanted
until a second later.

risky.

depressed?

okay, maybe i am. just a little bit.
but a lot of the time i'm fine, it's really just when i'm alone with time to think that i realise just how disillusioned with my life i am.
so don't take one read of this blog and think, wow, this kid is messed up.
because everyone is, some people are just too dumb to realise it.

some day, hopefully soon, you'll be able to read this and not be shocked. because i'll have written something happy. and in it's own way, that would be shocking too; it's been a while.

but until then, you'll have to deal with the hormonal, sad, teenage girl that screams through these words. metaphorically, that is.

scared.

talk to me.
i want to know exactly what's running through your mind.

i am scared.
i'm scared of what you think of me.
i'm scared that what i feel for you, is unrequited;
that i am alone in what i feel, think, dream, hope.
most of all, i'm scared of losing you,
the way i know you now.

please, don't leave me hanging.
you can either let me fall, or save me.
but i won't settle for anything in between.

sais-tu?

chaque fois que tu t'en vas,

je prétends que tout va bien.

chaque fois que je me sens seul,

je peux poser le blâme sur toi.

mais chaque fois que tu est ici,

je ne sais pas quoi je dois faire.

tu m'as eu comme un fusil chargé,

soleil d'or et le ciel si bleu,

nous savons ce que nous voulons,

eh bien je sais, qu'en penses-tu?

mais tu sais que tu ne me laisses pas le choix,

je compte les larmes jusqu'à j'arrive sur toi.

hope.

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, then it never was.

hypocrite.

That's me, what I am.

I don't intend to be one, it's just, I change my mind about things too much. I say love is a silly word, and then start to fall in it. If I kept my thoughts to myself then it wouldn't be so bad. I'd just be the girl that can't make up her mind. I know I'm indecisive, I know I'm irrational and I know I'm rash. I'm one of those people that thinks, about everything, anything, all the time. All the what if's, the why not's.

I wish I didn't. I wish I could be happy for each moment as it passes, instead of breaking it down to think of it as the result of something else said, something else done. Always afraid to do something because there could be consequences I'm not yet ready to handle.

At times, I'm a mess. I know, trust me. But it can't be helped.